Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Editorial: Obama be effin’ up my shiznit

02/15/2009

HaterI thought we were voting for hope and change.  I didn’t realize that we were voting for a total dict-hater.

According to Gawker.com, the Department of Homeland Security has sent a cease-and-desist letter to Sixpoint Craft Ales, a Brooklyn based brewery, to stop production of Hop Obama beer.  DOHS goes so far as to threaten to seize the brewery if the hoppy brew featuring the President’s name is not discontinued.

Honestly, how can he talk about economic stimulus when he’s basically shutting down the fastest growing segment of our economy?  As this blog has documented, people will sell (and buy) anything with Obama’s name or likeness on it.

How will I be able to continue this blog if there’s no more Obama dildos, no more Obama plungers, no more quarters with the word “Obama” written with a sharpie?

Seriously Obama, would you like some Hateraide with those hater-tots?  Who are you, Ruth Hater Ginsburg all of a sudden?  Do you shop at Hater Joe’s?  If Dubbya was the decider-in-chief, Obama is surely the hater-in-chief.

So Obama.  Do us a favor.  Times are rough enough.  Let us keep our Obama condoms, Obama pornos, and Obama soap-on-a-rope.  You stick to the economy, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, your next Commerce Secretary and what type of dog to get Sasha and Malia, mmmmk?

Who are you voting for under there?

01/31/2009

ObunderwearLadies and gentlemen, America is a nation divided.

There is a large and vocal contingent of the population that adamantly prefers the freedom and comfort provided by boxer shorts.  They point to Ben Franklin who said “those who would sacrifice freedom for security deserve neither.”

On the other hand, many others demand the snugness and security provided by briefs.  They retort that with boxers, you’re flopping all over the place.

Both sides of the argument are dug in, and there seems little possibility of compromise.

Enter Obama Boxer-Briefs.  True to the nation’s current spirit of consensus, designer Andrew Christian has released boxer-briefs featuring the president’s likeness on the front, and the number “08” on the back.  At just $29, you’d be stupid not to buy them.  Wow!

Caveat emptor; You go out drinking with your friends.  You meet a pretty girl wearing a Ron Paul ’08 shirt.  In a pathetic effort to impress her, you tell her “yeah baby, I’m totally into Ron Paul.”  You take her home, forgetting that you’re wearing your Obama boxer-briefs.  One thing leads to another… but oh no!

“What’s this, Obama underwear?  You lied to me?  You lied.”  She’s livid.  “I’m sorry,” she says, “I have to go.  I can’t have a one-night stand with some guy I met in a bar if he’s the type of guy that lies!”

“But baby,” you say, “I’m wearing them ironically.”  But it’s too late.  She’s already gone home to her Obama pleasure toy.  You crack open a bottle of Senator Beer and cry yourself to sleep.

It’s 3am, and the phone is ringing

01/26/2009

Obamdom Yes we can!

And by “we”, I mean you and me, baby.

And by “can”, I mean do it.

Introducing the Obama Condom, from the maker of the McCain Condom and the Palin Condom.

Unfortunately there’s no Hillary Condom: The Safe Choice.

We here at IOM feel the makers of these prophylactics seriously dropped the ball on this one.  There are many politicians more deserving than these three, including:

David Vitter, Larry Craig, Eliot Spitzer, Barney Frank, Mark Foley, David Paterson, Jim McGreevey, Grover Cleveland, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy and John Edwards.  Did I leave anyone out?

Coincidentally, as best as I can tell, only one other president has had a condom named after him.  The popular brand Rough Riders is named after Teddy Roosevelt.

I think it’s safe to say that the only people who aren’t after this hot-ticket item are the Japanese.

oh oh oh oh OBAMA!

01/25/2009

obama_1Are you allowed to say the word “dildo” on the internet?  Because that’s exactly what this is.

Oh man I don’t know what to say, snarky comment overload…

I think I got to go to bed on this one, leave the sarcastic remarks to the comment section.

Courtesy of the Washington City Paper.

For all of you sickos, you can buy it at headostate.com