Archive for the ‘Wrong’ Category

Editorial: Obama be effin’ up my shiznit

02/15/2009

HaterI thought we were voting for hope and change.  I didn’t realize that we were voting for a total dict-hater.

According to Gawker.com, the Department of Homeland Security has sent a cease-and-desist letter to Sixpoint Craft Ales, a Brooklyn based brewery, to stop production of Hop Obama beer.  DOHS goes so far as to threaten to seize the brewery if the hoppy brew featuring the President’s name is not discontinued.

Honestly, how can he talk about economic stimulus when he’s basically shutting down the fastest growing segment of our economy?  As this blog has documented, people will sell (and buy) anything with Obama’s name or likeness on it.

How will I be able to continue this blog if there’s no more Obama dildos, no more Obama plungers, no more quarters with the word “Obama” written with a sharpie?

Seriously Obama, would you like some Hateraide with those hater-tots?  Who are you, Ruth Hater Ginsburg all of a sudden?  Do you shop at Hater Joe’s?  If Dubbya was the decider-in-chief, Obama is surely the hater-in-chief.

So Obama.  Do us a favor.  Times are rough enough.  Let us keep our Obama condoms, Obama pornos, and Obama soap-on-a-rope.  You stick to the economy, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, your next Commerce Secretary and what type of dog to get Sasha and Malia, mmmmk?

Who are you voting for under there?

01/31/2009

ObunderwearLadies and gentlemen, America is a nation divided.

There is a large and vocal contingent of the population that adamantly prefers the freedom and comfort provided by boxer shorts.  They point to Ben Franklin who said “those who would sacrifice freedom for security deserve neither.”

On the other hand, many others demand the snugness and security provided by briefs.  They retort that with boxers, you’re flopping all over the place.

Both sides of the argument are dug in, and there seems little possibility of compromise.

Enter Obama Boxer-Briefs.  True to the nation’s current spirit of consensus, designer Andrew Christian has released boxer-briefs featuring the president’s likeness on the front, and the number “08” on the back.  At just $29, you’d be stupid not to buy them.  Wow!

Caveat emptor; You go out drinking with your friends.  You meet a pretty girl wearing a Ron Paul ’08 shirt.  In a pathetic effort to impress her, you tell her “yeah baby, I’m totally into Ron Paul.”  You take her home, forgetting that you’re wearing your Obama boxer-briefs.  One thing leads to another… but oh no!

“What’s this, Obama underwear?  You lied to me?  You lied.”  She’s livid.  “I’m sorry,” she says, “I have to go.  I can’t have a one-night stand with some guy I met in a bar if he’s the type of guy that lies!”

“But baby,” you say, “I’m wearing them ironically.”  But it’s too late.  She’s already gone home to her Obama pleasure toy.  You crack open a bottle of Senator Beer and cry yourself to sleep.

Some of my best friends are Barack Obama

01/27/2009

Offensive Cookies When I started this blog, I vowed that I wouldn’t include anything deemed to be racially insensitive.  After all, this blog is about love.

That is, of course, unless the merchandise in question was so idiotic, so poorly conceived, so…. what’s the word?  INAPPROPRIATE that I couldn’t avoid writing about it.

By now, many of you are surely aware of the infamous “Drunken Negro Face Cookies.”  The cookies are the brain child of Greenwich Village baker Ted Kefalinos, proprietor of Lafayette French Bakery, an establishment featured in the hit TV show Sex and the City.

I don’t know what Miranda, the ugly one, the old one and the hot one would think about this…

Kefalinos claims that the cookies are in honor of our 44th president.  And what better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than to mock the heritage of the leader of the free world.

Kefalinos also claims he can’t be a racist because his brother-in-law is Cuban.

Proof enough for me.

Wait, wasn’t Hitler part Jewish?

Watch New York institution Arnold Díaz take this biggoted baker to task in this hilarious video clip.

It’s 3am, and the phone is ringing

01/26/2009

Obamdom Yes we can!

And by “we”, I mean you and me, baby.

And by “can”, I mean do it.

Introducing the Obama Condom, from the maker of the McCain Condom and the Palin Condom.

Unfortunately there’s no Hillary Condom: The Safe Choice.

We here at IOM feel the makers of these prophylactics seriously dropped the ball on this one.  There are many politicians more deserving than these three, including:

David Vitter, Larry Craig, Eliot Spitzer, Barney Frank, Mark Foley, David Paterson, Jim McGreevey, Grover Cleveland, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy and John Edwards.  Did I leave anyone out?

Coincidentally, as best as I can tell, only one other president has had a condom named after him.  The popular brand Rough Riders is named after Teddy Roosevelt.

I think it’s safe to say that the only people who aren’t after this hot-ticket item are the Japanese.

Dope for a better tomorrow

01/26/2009
Freedom Horse

Freedom Horse

The Smoking Gun reports that police in Upstate New York broke up a narcotics operation selling dope under the brand name “Obama Heroin”.  TSG also reports that branding drugs is a favorite pastime of drug pushers, who have also sold Bin Laden Heroin, Teletubbies Cocaine, and green crack in honor of St. Patrick’s day.

On a similar but unrelated note, our crack staff at Inappropriate Obama Merchandise has received transcripts of a wiretapped conversation between embattled Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich (AKA The Rodfather) and Mr. Obama:

		                DON OBAMA
		No...how a man makes his living is
		none of my business.  But this
		proposition of yours is too risky.
		All the people in my family lived
		well the last ten years, I won't
		risk that out of greed.

				BLAGOJEVICH
		Are you worried about security for
		your million?

				DON OBAMA
		No.

				BLAGOJEVICH
		The DNC will guarantee your
		investment also.

	This startles JOE BIDEN; he blurts out.

				JOE BIDEN
		The DNC guarantees our investment?

	BLAGOJEVICH hears him first, and then very slowly turns to face
	him.  Everyone is the room knows that JOE BIDEN has stepped out
	of line.

Obama girls Beanie Babies

01/25/2009
Obama girls in Beanie Baby form

Obama girls in Beanie Baby form

Bush may be gone, but it’s still ok to be ashamed to be an American.  That’s because American Toy company Ty is marketing the “Sweet Sasha” and “Marvelous Malia” dolls.

The Office of the First Lady released a statement blasting the toy company. “We feel it is inappropriate to use young private citizens for marketing purposes,” said a spokesperson for Michelle Obama.

Ty has a different point of view, as CNN explains:

When CNN asked a Ty executive whether the Obama girls were the inspiration for the dolls, she hesitated several seconds before
answering.

“Information concerning the development of our products and how we come up with names, how we select them, how we
trademark — that’s considered as proprietary,” Ty Senior Vice President of Sales Tania Lundeen said. “I can’t go any further with that question.”

Jeeze, I wonder where they came up with the idea to name the dolls Sasha and Malia?

On the one hand, I think it’d be awesome if there were some kind of Awesome Kyle doll.  On the other hand, this seems a little out of line.  I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Michelle’s spokesperson for using the word “inappropirate” in their statement.  Made searching for this article really easy.

Plungerama

01/25/2009
Obama Plunger

Obama Plunger

As far as commemorative plungers go, wait… commemorative plungers?

Yes.  That’s right.  What better way to commemorate the election of our nation’s 44th president than to… uhhh.

I need coffee.

The plunger comes complete with certificate of authenticity.  Apparently they’ve been having a problem with counterfeit plungers.  A lot of unscrupulous people out there just trying to make a quick buck.

Certificate of authenticity

Counterfeiting plungers is deplorable.

Plunger features the words “Obama 08” on the handle and “Joe the Plumber” on the uhhh… plunger part.

This one comes to us from the lovely people at eBay, from a seller in Scranton, PA.  Home of Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, and the Office.

There’s even a promotional video:

This, quite frankly, I could do without.

oh oh oh oh OBAMA!

01/25/2009

obama_1Are you allowed to say the word “dildo” on the internet?  Because that’s exactly what this is.

Oh man I don’t know what to say, snarky comment overload…

I think I got to go to bed on this one, leave the sarcastic remarks to the comment section.

Courtesy of the Washington City Paper.

For all of you sickos, you can buy it at headostate.com

The Yes-We-Can Action Man

01/24/2009
Fully posable Obama action man

Fully posable Obama action man

This one comes from the interwebz, specifically from Gizmodo, the gadget blog.

The action figure comes with katanas, 9mm gun, assault rifle, and a lightsaber included!

During the campaign, Obama constantly advocated peace through strength.  Now we know that by strength, he meant the ability to obliterate any adversary who doesn’t know what time it is.  Booya!

The figure is fully posable.  Even the hands and fingers.  The possibilities are endless.  Barack could give the finger to French President Nicolas Sarkozy, or maybe just use his hand to tap Joe Biden on the shoulder after an inappropriate joke.

All I can say is, inappropriate as it may be, I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!

Hat tip to Scott for the link.