Archive for the ‘Stupid’ Category

A carbonation divided: Soda populism

02/12/2009

Soda PopulismAh energy drinks.  Is there anything harder to swallow?  One enterprising Frenchman has decided to capitalize on President Obama’s popularity in Europe by releasing Obama Soda.  YES WE SODA CAN!

The drinks are a big hit with French teens.  As NPR (my mom’s favorite news source.  Hi mom!) explains:

“I love Obama cola. This is the first time I’ve tasted it,” says Muhammed Cherki, 11. Cherki says he’s sure he could become president of France — but that he’d rather be a chef or the mayor of Hollywood.

Yes… Mayor of Hollywood… Uh, wow.  This from the same people that eat snails and think this guy is funny…

I have to be truthful, however.  I’ve been thinking a lot about the rapper 50 cent lately.  He’s made quite a name for himself, mostly by starting random beef with people he doesn’t know.  Starting beef is a surefire way to gain publicity.  It worked for Tupac and Biggie, as well as Jay-Z and Nas.

Well, now’s my turn.  I’m calling out Nice Deb, a conservative blog which also reports about inappropriate Obama merchandise, but from a right-wing perspective.  Although I don’t know this person, I am prepared to make the following statement:

Yo Nice Deb, you’re mad wack.  You call that a blog?  That’s the sorriest excuse for a blog I’ve ever seen.  I find your opinions laughable, and I believe you to be a hater.  Wassamatta, beeeotch?  ‘Fraid of a little change?

Nice Deb, if you have any cojones you will respond and we will have a blog-off.  I’m waiting.

The best of the worst: Songs about Obama

02/02/2009

Our first entry comes to us from Japan.  The Anyone Brother’s Band with their hit tune OBAMA IS BEAUTIFUL WORLD.

This one is para mi gente.  Les presento Los Amigos de Obama with their new hit ¿Cómo se dice?  ¿Cómo se llama?

Finally, I wanted to leave y’all feelin’ irie.  Here be sometin’ to vibe to.  Coco Tea with his new hit, Barack Obama.

All around the mulberry bush: Barack-in-the-box

02/02/2009

Pop goes ObamaAh the Jack-in-the-box.  No not the fast-food chain with a history salmonella outbreaks.  The children’s toy.  Is there anything more inappropriate?

Seriously, what kind of toy is that for a kid?  Pull a crank until a strange man pops out of nowhere scaring the living buhjeezus out of you.  It reminds me a little of this.

Heeeeeeeeeeeere’s Obama!  Introducing the Barack-in-the-box.  At only $29.95, it’s a steal.

I can’t think of any better way to teach your child about the historical importance of this moment than by giving them a toy that will give them nightmares.

Also available is the limited edition Hillary-in-the-box.

I wonder, if Hillary had won, would there be the same amount of inappropriate Clinton merchandise?  Hillary Clinton boxer-briefs?  Now that’s what I call an aphrodisiac.

Thanks to Jackie D for the link.

Uh… do you not remember the last eight years? Impeach Obama bumper stickers

01/30/2009

Selective Memory?

They’re here, Impeach Obama bumper stickers. Oh man.

So much to say, where to begin?

First of all, you can’t impeach a person just because you don’t like them.  The Constitution is pretty clear about this.  There has to be some kind of crime committed while in office such as… I dunno, a high crime or misdemeanor.

Seriously, the guy has been in office about a week-and-a-half.  He hasn’t even had time to pull a Blagojevich yet.  And it’s not like he opened secret prisons or deliberately misled the public into war.  After all, he didn’t torture people or spy on his own citizens.  I could understand if he stood idle while a natural disaster hit a major US city, or appointed his (totally unqualified) buddies to the Supreme Court or FEMA.

But no, Obama hasn’t done any of that yet.

Secondly, patriotic duty?  It’s patriotic to unjustifiably remove the duly elected chief of state?  You mean the one that won in a landslide last November?  That’s patriotic?

But because this is a fair and balanced blog, I’m going to give equal time to the other side.  Here’s what proponents of impeaching Obama say (my snarky comments in italics):

Obama not a US citizen
To the morons that voted this criminal into office, be it known…Obama has failed to prove his citizenship. He has refused to release a variety of documents that would clearly prove this…. Not to mention he has NEVER managed anything in his life. He has not even held a paying job outside of political office. The list of reasons to impeach this fraud are far to extensive to list here. Impeachment is too good. He should be in prison.

Uh, constitutional law professor isn’t a paying job?  And prison?  Seriously? Aren’t you thinking of this guy?

If you support Obama you support
NAMBLA, if you are an Obama fan then your a Barney Frank fan, DemocRATS are this countries cancer, We do not need to live in an Obama Nation!

Are you saying that 53% of the country supports NAMBLA?  Plus, what’s with the Barney Frank jab?  Kinda random homophobia.  You know, Freud hypothesizes that the subconscious mind manifests repressed desires.  Just food for thought.

obama not american not african
Yes he’s half white born in kenya just another racist like M.L.king hiding behind the name black/negro name he will premote more division between the nationalities or races as (Hussein obama the great black joke) would have it…. I feel sorry for the black People of America that have been taken in by this fake want to be black man. It will be the real Proud Blacks of america that take obama down…

I can see by your comments that you’re truly in touch with the “real” and “Proud Blacks” of America.  You must have many many black friends.

i wounder what it would be liek if I just worote things withoutht thinking what I was saying.  it seeems a lot easier I thingk for now on I wont think before I sau anythignb,.

Items is a genuine Obama spaceman quarter Thank you for your interest in the auction

01/30/2009

Every now and then, I find an item so bizarre, so ridiculous, that no amount of sarcasm could do it justice.  So rather than pontificating and droning on and on and on, posting a bunch of random links that have nothing to do with anything, I thought I’d let the product description speak for itself.  This one comes to us from an eBay seller in Gainsville, Florida.  Current bid is $10 and rising!

Contents:
Barack Obama coin. Ohio state spaceman quarter. Metal. One of a kind collector’s item
Going boldly where no man has gone before

Certificate of authenticity. Paper. One of a kind document.

Question and answer:

Q: Would you be willing to sell the certificate of authenticity separately?

A: possibly, though what would the certificate authenticate if it were by itself?

Q: Is this metal coin metallic or just regular metal?

A: both and neither

Q: Do you also have the rare one where the “OBAMA” is upside down? I hear those are going for much more.

A: Future collectible editions are not yet ready to be made public. Custom orders may be available.

Q: Isn’t Obama from Illinois? 🙂

A: technically he is from Hawaii

Q: So you just wrote Obama on the quarter, and people are actually bidding on it? Well congrats on capitalizing on absolute stupidity!

A: Items is a genuine Obama spaceman quarter Thank you for your interest in the auction

Special hat tip to Ross for digging this up.  Can you believe someone bid $10 for a defaced quarter?  Do you think they realize that with a sharpie marker, you can make the same thing at home for 25 cents?  Only in America.


DC tat shops ink up amped up Obama supporters

01/29/2009

Tat oneRemember the first time you fell in love?  How much that person meant to you, how you thought you’d spend your entire lives together?  How nothing would ever tear you apart?

You were so head-over-heals that you even got a tattoo of that person’s name.

Then you find out that while you were out of town, she was getting it on with your best friend in the back seat of a Ford Focus (I’m not bitter).

CNN.com reports that tattoo parlors throughout DC are giving Obama fanatics the opportunity to relive this experience on a presidential scale.  Many offered discounted Obama tats during inauguration week.

Caveat emptor; this may backfire.  I was so excited in 2002 after the election of the second Serbian-American governor in US history that I got a life-sized portrait of the Blagojevich on my back.  Now I’m looking at paying $4,000 just to get it removed, though for $300 I can have it modified to look like Paul McCartney.

Chia Obama: Ch-ch-ch-change we can believe in

01/28/2009

Ch-ch-ch-change we can believe inDo you remember the Chia Pet?  The product that, until recently, held the record for the most annoying commercial ever?

Those nutty folks at Joseph Enterprises are at it once again, proving that crappy Obama merchandise is a recession-proof industry.  Introducing the :::shudders::: Chia Obama!

Ch-ch-ch-chia.

The Chia Obama comes in both “Determined Chia Obama pose” and “Happy Chia Obama” pose. Coming soon, the “Shirtless Chia Obama pose“.

According to the company’s website, you can expect full growth in 1-2 weeks, and you can reuse your Chia Obama indefinitely.

Indefinitely?  You mean until the plant dies.  Seriously, who buys replacement Chia seed?  And what the hell is chia anyway?

As long as we’re reliving commercials from my childhood, I wanted to share with you this.

Hat tip to high school chum Isaac for letting me know about this.

Some of my best friends are Barack Obama

01/27/2009

Offensive Cookies When I started this blog, I vowed that I wouldn’t include anything deemed to be racially insensitive.  After all, this blog is about love.

That is, of course, unless the merchandise in question was so idiotic, so poorly conceived, so…. what’s the word?  INAPPROPRIATE that I couldn’t avoid writing about it.

By now, many of you are surely aware of the infamous “Drunken Negro Face Cookies.”  The cookies are the brain child of Greenwich Village baker Ted Kefalinos, proprietor of Lafayette French Bakery, an establishment featured in the hit TV show Sex and the City.

I don’t know what Miranda, the ugly one, the old one and the hot one would think about this…

Kefalinos claims that the cookies are in honor of our 44th president.  And what better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than to mock the heritage of the leader of the free world.

Kefalinos also claims he can’t be a racist because his brother-in-law is Cuban.

Proof enough for me.

Wait, wasn’t Hitler part Jewish?

Watch New York institution Arnold Díaz take this biggoted baker to task in this hilarious video clip.

Signs of change: Parking for Obamanistas only

01/27/2009

Sign of change This one comes to us from an eBay seller in the great state of Vermont.  The item has been listed several times and no one has bid on it yet.  Can it be that Obama mania is fizzling out?

Maybe I’ll start a blog about the Jonahs Brothers, or better yet, the Cheetah Girls.

Something about this sign doesn’t jibe with me.  Obama has made his career by reaching across the aisle in order to get things done.  It seems unlikely that he would apply some sort of political litmus test to parking.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that it violates the 1st and 14th Amendments to base parking privileges on political preference.  Legal scholars, feel free to expand on this.

Finally, I think it’s insulting to imply that if you don’t support Obama, you’re somehow against change.  Imagine how much change we would have if we elected this one and that one to the White House?  What about this guy (BEST VIDEO EVER), or that guy?

Domo arigato Mr. Obama

01/26/2009
Domo arigato

Domo arigato

This one has been widely reported, so I had my choice of sources. Today, I decided to go international.

Chinese state news agency Xinhua reports that an enterprising Japanese publishing house has released an “English-learning textbook” titled “The Speeches of Barack Obama”.

Spokesperson for Asahi Press Yuzo Yamamoto explains that the speeches of President Obama are an ideal medium for learning English because they “are so moving, and he also uses words such as ‘yes, we can,’ ‘change’ and ‘hope’ that even Japanese people can memorize”.

Simple phrases even Japanese people can memorize? Wow, talk about the soft bigotry of low expectations. We’re talking about the same people that created this masterpiece, not to mention this touching tribute to our 44th president.

As a side note, Asahi Press is planning to release “Learn English with Mike Tyson” later this year.