Items is a genuine Obama spaceman quarter Thank you for your interest in the auction

01/30/2009 by

Every now and then, I find an item so bizarre, so ridiculous, that no amount of sarcasm could do it justice.  So rather than pontificating and droning on and on and on, posting a bunch of random links that have nothing to do with anything, I thought I’d let the product description speak for itself.  This one comes to us from an eBay seller in Gainsville, Florida.  Current bid is $10 and rising!

Contents:
Barack Obama coin. Ohio state spaceman quarter. Metal. One of a kind collector’s item
Going boldly where no man has gone before

Certificate of authenticity. Paper. One of a kind document.

Question and answer:

Q: Would you be willing to sell the certificate of authenticity separately?

A: possibly, though what would the certificate authenticate if it were by itself?

Q: Is this metal coin metallic or just regular metal?

A: both and neither

Q: Do you also have the rare one where the “OBAMA” is upside down? I hear those are going for much more.

A: Future collectible editions are not yet ready to be made public. Custom orders may be available.

Q: Isn’t Obama from Illinois? 🙂

A: technically he is from Hawaii

Q: So you just wrote Obama on the quarter, and people are actually bidding on it? Well congrats on capitalizing on absolute stupidity!

A: Items is a genuine Obama spaceman quarter Thank you for your interest in the auction

Special hat tip to Ross for digging this up.  Can you believe someone bid $10 for a defaced quarter?  Do you think they realize that with a sharpie marker, you can make the same thing at home for 25 cents?  Only in America.


DC tat shops ink up amped up Obama supporters

01/29/2009 by

Tat oneRemember the first time you fell in love?  How much that person meant to you, how you thought you’d spend your entire lives together?  How nothing would ever tear you apart?

You were so head-over-heals that you even got a tattoo of that person’s name.

Then you find out that while you were out of town, she was getting it on with your best friend in the back seat of a Ford Focus (I’m not bitter).

CNN.com reports that tattoo parlors throughout DC are giving Obama fanatics the opportunity to relive this experience on a presidential scale.  Many offered discounted Obama tats during inauguration week.

Caveat emptor; this may backfire.  I was so excited in 2002 after the election of the second Serbian-American governor in US history that I got a life-sized portrait of the Blagojevich on my back.  Now I’m looking at paying $4,000 just to get it removed, though for $300 I can have it modified to look like Paul McCartney.

Minor League Baseball: Barack is Brooklyn

01/28/2009 by

Baracklyn ObamaclonesThe Brooklyn Cyclones, the short-season minor league affiliate of my beloved New York Mets, have announced that the team will be temporarily renamed the “Baracklyn Cyclones” for their June, 23rd game against the Hudson Valley Renegades.

The team will sport fashionable “Baracklyn Cyclones” jerseys, and the first 2,500 in attendance will receive Obama bobbleheads.  Individual tickets to this game have already sold out, though group tickets are still available.

Well, you can’t argue with results.

The Brooklyn Cyclones?  Never heard of them.  I’ve certainly never worked at KeySpan park as a professional juggler.  It’s not like this was my boss’ idea…

I’d just like to take this opportunity to say what an amazing idea this is!  Wow.  For the first time ever I have no sarcastic remarks in the slightest.  Brilliant.

Chia Obama: Ch-ch-ch-change we can believe in

01/28/2009 by

Ch-ch-ch-change we can believe inDo you remember the Chia Pet?  The product that, until recently, held the record for the most annoying commercial ever?

Those nutty folks at Joseph Enterprises are at it once again, proving that crappy Obama merchandise is a recession-proof industry.  Introducing the :::shudders::: Chia Obama!

Ch-ch-ch-chia.

The Chia Obama comes in both “Determined Chia Obama pose” and “Happy Chia Obama” pose. Coming soon, the “Shirtless Chia Obama pose“.

According to the company’s website, you can expect full growth in 1-2 weeks, and you can reuse your Chia Obama indefinitely.

Indefinitely?  You mean until the plant dies.  Seriously, who buys replacement Chia seed?  And what the hell is chia anyway?

As long as we’re reliving commercials from my childhood, I wanted to share with you this.

Hat tip to high school chum Isaac for letting me know about this.

Some of my best friends are Barack Obama

01/27/2009 by

Offensive Cookies When I started this blog, I vowed that I wouldn’t include anything deemed to be racially insensitive.  After all, this blog is about love.

That is, of course, unless the merchandise in question was so idiotic, so poorly conceived, so…. what’s the word?  INAPPROPRIATE that I couldn’t avoid writing about it.

By now, many of you are surely aware of the infamous “Drunken Negro Face Cookies.”  The cookies are the brain child of Greenwich Village baker Ted Kefalinos, proprietor of Lafayette French Bakery, an establishment featured in the hit TV show Sex and the City.

I don’t know what Miranda, the ugly one, the old one and the hot one would think about this…

Kefalinos claims that the cookies are in honor of our 44th president.  And what better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than to mock the heritage of the leader of the free world.

Kefalinos also claims he can’t be a racist because his brother-in-law is Cuban.

Proof enough for me.

Wait, wasn’t Hitler part Jewish?

Watch New York institution Arnold Díaz take this biggoted baker to task in this hilarious video clip.

Signs of change: Parking for Obamanistas only

01/27/2009 by

Sign of change This one comes to us from an eBay seller in the great state of Vermont.  The item has been listed several times and no one has bid on it yet.  Can it be that Obama mania is fizzling out?

Maybe I’ll start a blog about the Jonahs Brothers, or better yet, the Cheetah Girls.

Something about this sign doesn’t jibe with me.  Obama has made his career by reaching across the aisle in order to get things done.  It seems unlikely that he would apply some sort of political litmus test to parking.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that it violates the 1st and 14th Amendments to base parking privileges on political preference.  Legal scholars, feel free to expand on this.

Finally, I think it’s insulting to imply that if you don’t support Obama, you’re somehow against change.  Imagine how much change we would have if we elected this one and that one to the White House?  What about this guy (BEST VIDEO EVER), or that guy?

Domo arigato Mr. Obama

01/26/2009 by
Domo arigato

Domo arigato

This one has been widely reported, so I had my choice of sources. Today, I decided to go international.

Chinese state news agency Xinhua reports that an enterprising Japanese publishing house has released an “English-learning textbook” titled “The Speeches of Barack Obama”.

Spokesperson for Asahi Press Yuzo Yamamoto explains that the speeches of President Obama are an ideal medium for learning English because they “are so moving, and he also uses words such as ‘yes, we can,’ ‘change’ and ‘hope’ that even Japanese people can memorize”.

Simple phrases even Japanese people can memorize? Wow, talk about the soft bigotry of low expectations. We’re talking about the same people that created this masterpiece, not to mention this touching tribute to our 44th president.

As a side note, Asahi Press is planning to release “Learn English with Mike Tyson” later this year.

It’s 3am, and the phone is ringing

01/26/2009 by

Obamdom Yes we can!

And by “we”, I mean you and me, baby.

And by “can”, I mean do it.

Introducing the Obama Condom, from the maker of the McCain Condom and the Palin Condom.

Unfortunately there’s no Hillary Condom: The Safe Choice.

We here at IOM feel the makers of these prophylactics seriously dropped the ball on this one.  There are many politicians more deserving than these three, including:

David Vitter, Larry Craig, Eliot Spitzer, Barney Frank, Mark Foley, David Paterson, Jim McGreevey, Grover Cleveland, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Clinton, John F. Kennedy and John Edwards.  Did I leave anyone out?

Coincidentally, as best as I can tell, only one other president has had a condom named after him.  The popular brand Rough Riders is named after Teddy Roosevelt.

I think it’s safe to say that the only people who aren’t after this hot-ticket item are the Japanese.

Dope for a better tomorrow

01/26/2009 by
Freedom Horse

Freedom Horse

The Smoking Gun reports that police in Upstate New York broke up a narcotics operation selling dope under the brand name “Obama Heroin”.  TSG also reports that branding drugs is a favorite pastime of drug pushers, who have also sold Bin Laden Heroin, Teletubbies Cocaine, and green crack in honor of St. Patrick’s day.

On a similar but unrelated note, our crack staff at Inappropriate Obama Merchandise has received transcripts of a wiretapped conversation between embattled Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich (AKA The Rodfather) and Mr. Obama:

		                DON OBAMA
		No...how a man makes his living is
		none of my business.  But this
		proposition of yours is too risky.
		All the people in my family lived
		well the last ten years, I won't
		risk that out of greed.

				BLAGOJEVICH
		Are you worried about security for
		your million?

				DON OBAMA
		No.

				BLAGOJEVICH
		The DNC will guarantee your
		investment also.

	This startles JOE BIDEN; he blurts out.

				JOE BIDEN
		The DNC guarantees our investment?

	BLAGOJEVICH hears him first, and then very slowly turns to face
	him.  Everyone is the room knows that JOE BIDEN has stepped out
	of line.

Obama girls Beanie Babies

01/25/2009 by
Obama girls in Beanie Baby form

Obama girls in Beanie Baby form

Bush may be gone, but it’s still ok to be ashamed to be an American.  That’s because American Toy company Ty is marketing the “Sweet Sasha” and “Marvelous Malia” dolls.

The Office of the First Lady released a statement blasting the toy company. “We feel it is inappropriate to use young private citizens for marketing purposes,” said a spokesperson for Michelle Obama.

Ty has a different point of view, as CNN explains:

When CNN asked a Ty executive whether the Obama girls were the inspiration for the dolls, she hesitated several seconds before
answering.

“Information concerning the development of our products and how we come up with names, how we select them, how we
trademark — that’s considered as proprietary,” Ty Senior Vice President of Sales Tania Lundeen said. “I can’t go any further with that question.”

Jeeze, I wonder where they came up with the idea to name the dolls Sasha and Malia?

On the one hand, I think it’d be awesome if there were some kind of Awesome Kyle doll.  On the other hand, this seems a little out of line.  I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Michelle’s spokesperson for using the word “inappropirate” in their statement.  Made searching for this article really easy.