Posts Tagged ‘obama’

Barack-in-roll: Obama sushi

02/18/2009

Obama SushiThere’s something fishy in Washington, and no, it’s not the watered-down stimulus bill.  From the same island nation that brought you Super Mario, Power Rangers and animated pornography, I present to you Obama sushi!

The problem with Obama sushi, like the stimulus package, is that after half-an-hour, you already want more.

Unfortunately, I do not speak Japanese, but thanks to the wonders of the internets (which is, from what I understand, a series of tubes), I have obtained this translation:

“It is done. Please eat this.” As too nice to eat, and even extreme masterpiece “rolled sushi ornament” What a surprise! “But design is also important, as important as taste. After all is food. I’m finished I get to eat tasty”

Truer words have never been spoken.  Thanks to Jaime G, who has been killing it with the links.

Editorial: Obama be effin’ up my shiznit

02/15/2009

HaterI thought we were voting for hope and change.  I didn’t realize that we were voting for a total dict-hater.

According to Gawker.com, the Department of Homeland Security has sent a cease-and-desist letter to Sixpoint Craft Ales, a Brooklyn based brewery, to stop production of Hop Obama beer.  DOHS goes so far as to threaten to seize the brewery if the hoppy brew featuring the President’s name is not discontinued.

Honestly, how can he talk about economic stimulus when he’s basically shutting down the fastest growing segment of our economy?  As this blog has documented, people will sell (and buy) anything with Obama’s name or likeness on it.

How will I be able to continue this blog if there’s no more Obama dildos, no more Obama plungers, no more quarters with the word “Obama” written with a sharpie?

Seriously Obama, would you like some Hateraide with those hater-tots?  Who are you, Ruth Hater Ginsburg all of a sudden?  Do you shop at Hater Joe’s?  If Dubbya was the decider-in-chief, Obama is surely the hater-in-chief.

So Obama.  Do us a favor.  Times are rough enough.  Let us keep our Obama condoms, Obama pornos, and Obama soap-on-a-rope.  You stick to the economy, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, your next Commerce Secretary and what type of dog to get Sasha and Malia, mmmmk?

Super Obama World

02/11/2009

Super Obama WorldYou blow into the cartridge.  It doesn’t work.  You blow a little harder this time.  Still nothing.  Finally, you call your older brother to help you.  He blows in the cartridge just right.  You turn the game on and hear that trademark “ding”.  You know you are in for some oldschool videogame fun.

Tragically, most of our moms have since discarded our precious vintage video game systems.  But have no fear, for Zensoft brings us Super Obama World, a Marioesque game without the hassle of antique electronics.

But alas, in the age of the 24 hour news cycle, the game is now woefully outdated.  The main nemeses are pigs wearing lipstick, a passé reference to a certain lipstick wearing hockey mom who has since faded into irrelevance.

But fear not, new levels are coming soon.  Maybe a level where Obama forces the stimulus bill down the throat of Mitch McConnell?  That’d be fun.

Joe Biden fan club shirts: No country for old men

02/04/2009

CreepyThere’s one in every family.  That lovable old grandpa or great uncle who used to be really awesome but somewhere down the line lost his marbles.  Maybe he shows up to important family functions drunk, or makes odd racist comments at the dinner table.

You still love him; after all, he is family, and he still is kinda awesome.

He’s our Uncle Joe.  It doesn’t matter that the only three things he says in a sentence are a noun, a verb and an inappropriate comment.

One enterprising apparel company has seized upon the nation’s love affair with this creepy old man.  Wow, that sentence sounded a lot better in my head.

Diesel Sweeties brings you the “We’re all Vice Presidents in the Joe Biden Fan Club” t-shirt.  Supplies are limited, act now.

The best of the worst: Songs about Obama

02/02/2009

Our first entry comes to us from Japan.  The Anyone Brother’s Band with their hit tune OBAMA IS BEAUTIFUL WORLD.

This one is para mi gente.  Les presento Los Amigos de Obama with their new hit ¿Cómo se dice?  ¿Cómo se llama?

Finally, I wanted to leave y’all feelin’ irie.  Here be sometin’ to vibe to.  Coco Tea with his new hit, Barack Obama.

Who are you voting for under there?

01/31/2009

ObunderwearLadies and gentlemen, America is a nation divided.

There is a large and vocal contingent of the population that adamantly prefers the freedom and comfort provided by boxer shorts.  They point to Ben Franklin who said “those who would sacrifice freedom for security deserve neither.”

On the other hand, many others demand the snugness and security provided by briefs.  They retort that with boxers, you’re flopping all over the place.

Both sides of the argument are dug in, and there seems little possibility of compromise.

Enter Obama Boxer-Briefs.  True to the nation’s current spirit of consensus, designer Andrew Christian has released boxer-briefs featuring the president’s likeness on the front, and the number “08” on the back.  At just $29, you’d be stupid not to buy them.  Wow!

Caveat emptor; You go out drinking with your friends.  You meet a pretty girl wearing a Ron Paul ’08 shirt.  In a pathetic effort to impress her, you tell her “yeah baby, I’m totally into Ron Paul.”  You take her home, forgetting that you’re wearing your Obama boxer-briefs.  One thing leads to another… but oh no!

“What’s this, Obama underwear?  You lied to me?  You lied.”  She’s livid.  “I’m sorry,” she says, “I have to go.  I can’t have a one-night stand with some guy I met in a bar if he’s the type of guy that lies!”

“But baby,” you say, “I’m wearing them ironically.”  But it’s too late.  She’s already gone home to her Obama pleasure toy.  You crack open a bottle of Senator Beer and cry yourself to sleep.

Uh… do you not remember the last eight years? Impeach Obama bumper stickers

01/30/2009

Selective Memory?

They’re here, Impeach Obama bumper stickers. Oh man.

So much to say, where to begin?

First of all, you can’t impeach a person just because you don’t like them.  The Constitution is pretty clear about this.  There has to be some kind of crime committed while in office such as… I dunno, a high crime or misdemeanor.

Seriously, the guy has been in office about a week-and-a-half.  He hasn’t even had time to pull a Blagojevich yet.  And it’s not like he opened secret prisons or deliberately misled the public into war.  After all, he didn’t torture people or spy on his own citizens.  I could understand if he stood idle while a natural disaster hit a major US city, or appointed his (totally unqualified) buddies to the Supreme Court or FEMA.

But no, Obama hasn’t done any of that yet.

Secondly, patriotic duty?  It’s patriotic to unjustifiably remove the duly elected chief of state?  You mean the one that won in a landslide last November?  That’s patriotic?

But because this is a fair and balanced blog, I’m going to give equal time to the other side.  Here’s what proponents of impeaching Obama say (my snarky comments in italics):

Obama not a US citizen
To the morons that voted this criminal into office, be it known…Obama has failed to prove his citizenship. He has refused to release a variety of documents that would clearly prove this…. Not to mention he has NEVER managed anything in his life. He has not even held a paying job outside of political office. The list of reasons to impeach this fraud are far to extensive to list here. Impeachment is too good. He should be in prison.

Uh, constitutional law professor isn’t a paying job?  And prison?  Seriously? Aren’t you thinking of this guy?

If you support Obama you support
NAMBLA, if you are an Obama fan then your a Barney Frank fan, DemocRATS are this countries cancer, We do not need to live in an Obama Nation!

Are you saying that 53% of the country supports NAMBLA?  Plus, what’s with the Barney Frank jab?  Kinda random homophobia.  You know, Freud hypothesizes that the subconscious mind manifests repressed desires.  Just food for thought.

obama not american not african
Yes he’s half white born in kenya just another racist like M.L.king hiding behind the name black/negro name he will premote more division between the nationalities or races as (Hussein obama the great black joke) would have it…. I feel sorry for the black People of America that have been taken in by this fake want to be black man. It will be the real Proud Blacks of america that take obama down…

I can see by your comments that you’re truly in touch with the “real” and “Proud Blacks” of America.  You must have many many black friends.

i wounder what it would be liek if I just worote things withoutht thinking what I was saying.  it seeems a lot easier I thingk for now on I wont think before I sau anythignb,.

Items is a genuine Obama spaceman quarter Thank you for your interest in the auction

01/30/2009

Every now and then, I find an item so bizarre, so ridiculous, that no amount of sarcasm could do it justice.  So rather than pontificating and droning on and on and on, posting a bunch of random links that have nothing to do with anything, I thought I’d let the product description speak for itself.  This one comes to us from an eBay seller in Gainsville, Florida.  Current bid is $10 and rising!

Contents:
Barack Obama coin. Ohio state spaceman quarter. Metal. One of a kind collector’s item
Going boldly where no man has gone before

Certificate of authenticity. Paper. One of a kind document.

Question and answer:

Q: Would you be willing to sell the certificate of authenticity separately?

A: possibly, though what would the certificate authenticate if it were by itself?

Q: Is this metal coin metallic or just regular metal?

A: both and neither

Q: Do you also have the rare one where the “OBAMA” is upside down? I hear those are going for much more.

A: Future collectible editions are not yet ready to be made public. Custom orders may be available.

Q: Isn’t Obama from Illinois? 🙂

A: technically he is from Hawaii

Q: So you just wrote Obama on the quarter, and people are actually bidding on it? Well congrats on capitalizing on absolute stupidity!

A: Items is a genuine Obama spaceman quarter Thank you for your interest in the auction

Special hat tip to Ross for digging this up.  Can you believe someone bid $10 for a defaced quarter?  Do you think they realize that with a sharpie marker, you can make the same thing at home for 25 cents?  Only in America.


DC tat shops ink up amped up Obama supporters

01/29/2009

Tat oneRemember the first time you fell in love?  How much that person meant to you, how you thought you’d spend your entire lives together?  How nothing would ever tear you apart?

You were so head-over-heals that you even got a tattoo of that person’s name.

Then you find out that while you were out of town, she was getting it on with your best friend in the back seat of a Ford Focus (I’m not bitter).

CNN.com reports that tattoo parlors throughout DC are giving Obama fanatics the opportunity to relive this experience on a presidential scale.  Many offered discounted Obama tats during inauguration week.

Caveat emptor; this may backfire.  I was so excited in 2002 after the election of the second Serbian-American governor in US history that I got a life-sized portrait of the Blagojevich on my back.  Now I’m looking at paying $4,000 just to get it removed, though for $300 I can have it modified to look like Paul McCartney.

Chia Obama: Ch-ch-ch-change we can believe in

01/28/2009

Ch-ch-ch-change we can believe inDo you remember the Chia Pet?  The product that, until recently, held the record for the most annoying commercial ever?

Those nutty folks at Joseph Enterprises are at it once again, proving that crappy Obama merchandise is a recession-proof industry.  Introducing the :::shudders::: Chia Obama!

Ch-ch-ch-chia.

The Chia Obama comes in both “Determined Chia Obama pose” and “Happy Chia Obama” pose. Coming soon, the “Shirtless Chia Obama pose“.

According to the company’s website, you can expect full growth in 1-2 weeks, and you can reuse your Chia Obama indefinitely.

Indefinitely?  You mean until the plant dies.  Seriously, who buys replacement Chia seed?  And what the hell is chia anyway?

As long as we’re reliving commercials from my childhood, I wanted to share with you this.

Hat tip to high school chum Isaac for letting me know about this.