By blogging about the audaciously hopeful Chia Obama, the genitally expressive Obama boxer briefs and my personal favorites, the ever-so popular Obama heroin and dildo, one infamous red-headed juggler has emerged as a vehicle of economic stimulation in the great forum of unfiltered cyber space.
More accurately, Kyle Petersen has hopped off the unicycle and established himself as a critic of the most inappropriate, outlandish and downright dysfunctional Barack Obama merchandise on the market.
By peddling his commentary on the lowliest of Obama-Rama-themed goods, however, our beloved juggler has unknowingly fallen victim to the self-fulfilling prophecy that plagues topical bloggers in hot pursuit of spreading their words to the masses.
And no, “topical blogger” is not a new treatment for herpes.
But Kyle Petersen, I’m afraid, has officially become inappropriate Obama merchandise.
Writers are peddlers of words, swill merchants of unique thoughts, ideas, emotions, and, as it were, political commentary. Bloggers, or as I like to call them, “unemployed journalists,” are a new breed of literary minds, free from editorial guidelines and objectivity. El juglar, however, has embraced one of the lesser evils in blogging concepts – humorous reflections on the crazy politically-themed products that could only be described as Obaminations.
Using America’s first black president as his literary muse, Kyle has defined Barack Obama as the ying to his yang, the Starsky to his Hutch, the John McCain to his Sarah Palin – though somewhat less geographically challenged.
Yet Kyle has missed the warning signs that we all saw coming when we first visited Inappropriate Obama Merchandise and is now marketing his very own brand of Obama-inappropriateness, single-handedly spreading a new strain of Barack Obamaitis.
Every link posted, every facebook and twitter plug, and every AIM conversation used to promote this forum of Obama mania can only be described as Obama-themed self-promotion, sharing the depths of human oddity with the online masses.
So congratulations Kyle, you are now in the same league as the Obama toilet plunger and the convict-friendly Obama soap-on-a-rope.
Lucky for you, however, you and your blogging antics may just make you lovable enough to also be in the same league as the highly-coveted Sasha and Malia beanie babies, and as bad ass as the Barack Obacka Star Wars mask.
So keep on blogging, my friend, and continue to spread the inappropriate Barack Obama word. As for me, I’m going to go smoke some marijubama and reflect on the audacity of hope and, thanks to you, democratic dildos.
Editor’s note: Katie Paster is a senior fellow at the Brookings Institute of Propaganda and Demagoguery